


Before Something Breaks that Cannot be Fixed

by jasperthewriter



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Near Death Experiences, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasperthewriter/pseuds/jasperthewriter
Summary: Five minor injuries, and one hospital visit.Five snapshots into Buck and Eddie's lives and relationship, and one time Eddie almost lost Buck."Tell Chris I love him, ok Eddie?”“Tell him yourself,” Eddie says shortly. “We’re almost there.”“I love you too.” Buck says.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 440





	Before Something Breaks that Cannot be Fixed

**Author's Note:**

> special thanks to the haus for helping me come up with the minor injuries  
> title is from touch by sleeping at last

The truck pulls into the station and everyone hops out, heading for the kitchen to get dinner. They’re all talking and laughing together, riding the high of a job well done, a person saved. Buck’s trailing a little behind the rest of them, but before Eddie can drop back to ask him if he’s alright, he makes this quiet wounded noise that has them all whipping around, and freezes in his tracks. 

“What the hell just happened?” Hen says. Buck still hasn’t moved an inch and Eddie’s kinda getting worried here. 

“New shoes,” Buck grits out, “I just tore open a blister.” Everyone makes various noises of  _ ouch _ at that, and Buck gingerly picks his left foot up and takes a step.    
“Cmon, I’ll get you some gauze to shove in there.” Eddie says, heading for the ambulance bay. Buck starts limping after him, and Hen whistles. 

“Man, that’s a sad little puppy dog look you got going there. How big was that blister?” 

Buck just grits his teeth and Eddie pauses. This is minor, he knows that, it’s barely even an injury, but it still hurts to see Buck in pain. He heads back over to him, leaning down a little and slinging him over his shoulders. 

“Hey!” Buck yells, shoving at Eddie’s back. 

“Stop wiggling,” Eddie says, “I  _ will _ drop you on your ass.” 

Hen just laughs and laughs as Eddie carries him over to the ambulance. 

* * *

Eddie’s walking down the hallway to Buck’s apartment when his phone rings. It’s Buck, so Eddie picks up, even though he’s literally ten seconds away from seeing him.    
“Where are you?” Buck says before Eddie can get anything out. 

“Literally standing outside your door, why?”    
“Ok, well, before you come in, I wanted to tell you I’m fine. I don’t want you to worry.” He says quickly.   
“What happened?” Eddie asks, fitting his key in the lock. 

“Nothing! I’m fine.” Buck keeps talking, but Eddie’s got the door open and Buck’s kitchen counter is fucking  _ covered  _ in blood. The sink is running, and there’s shit all over the place, like Buck was in the middle of cooking dinner. 

“Buck?” Eddie calls, and he hears Buck yell faintly from the bathroom. He ends the call, running up the stairs and shouldering open the door. Buck looks up and freezes when he comes in, a tube of neosporin in his mouth, an open box of bandaids on the counter. There’s more blood here too, but it’s contained in the sink at least. Eddie takes the tube out of his mouth, setting it on the counter.

“It’s fine, I cut my finger a little.” He says, holding out his hand to him. 

“There’s a lot of blood downstairs for a cut finger.” He pokes around Buck’s index finger, and sure enough, there’s just a cut running down the side of it. 

“I didn’t notice at first, and then I spilled a glass of water. There’s less than it looks like, it’s diluted.” Buck winces slightly, as Eddie smears the neosporin along the cut, and reaches for the band-aid box.    
“I could have done that myself.” Buck says, pouting at Eddie. 

“I know,” Eddie says, smoothing down the edges of the band-aid, “let me take care of you.”

Eddie looks up at him, and Buck’s already looking at him, with this _look_ on his face _.  _ Eddie’s been noticing that look a lot more lately, and he thinks he’s starting to understand what it means. Eddie realizes he’s still holding Buck's  hand, and he swallows. 

“Um- sorry.” He says, letting go. Buck narrows his eyes at him a little, leaning forward. Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. 

“How long are we gonna keep dancing around this, huh?” Buck says softly. Eddie can feel his breath brushing across his mouth, and he hasn’t even really processed the words before he’s pushing forward, pressing their mouths together. 

* * *

They were supposed to leave ten minutes ago, but Buck kept getting distracted while Eddie was getting dressed, so now they’re rushing out the door and Eddie’s gonna have to break a few speed limits to avoid a talking to from Bobby. Honestly though? He doesn’t really mind.

“OW!” Buck yells from the other side of the car, and Eddie pauses, hand outstretched to the door handle. “Eddie, don’t touch the car.” he says, so Eddie goes to figure out what the hell is happening. Buck is standing next to the passenger side door, cradling his hand against his chest. 

“What happened?” Eddie asks, pulling Buck’s hand to him so he can look at it. No blood, no bone, just a patch of shiny skin on his palm.   
“Stupid door handle burned me,” Buck complains, “I hate LA, why is it so fucking hot?”

“We might have to amputate,” Eddie says seriously, gently probing at the burn.    
“Oh shut up,” Buck laughs, bunching up some cloth at the bottom of his shirt to use as a barrier so he can actually get the door open, “I’ll run it under some water at the station, alright? We’re gonna be late.”

* * *

Buck and Eddie are out on a run on a precious off day. They’d gone to a park they usually take Chris too, since it’s got a nice path around a lake. It’s quiet this early in the morning, they’ve only passed one other person, and it’s just really… nice. They’re quiet, and they fall into a rhythm easily. It’s a good way to spend time together, just breathing, caught in the sound of their feet hitting the ground. Eddie usually listens to a podcast or music while he runs, but the steady sound of Buck’s breathing is good too. 

They’re rounding the last turn, coming up on the car, when Buck trips over some loose gravel on the path and hits the ground hard. Medic mode snaps into place in Eddie’s brain. 

“Jesus, man, you good?” He says, but when Buck rolls over onto his back, he’s laughing. Eddie makes him lay still for a second anyways, checking his pulse and feeling around his head for any abnormalities. He’s missing a chunk of skin off each his palms and his knees too, from sliding on the asphalt. 

“Man, I haven’t had skinned knees since I started high school.” Buck says, still laying starfished out on the ground. Eddie shifts off his knees to sit more comfortably next to him while he gets his giggles out.

“You’ll live, I think.” He says, tipping his head back to look up at the sky.

“Oh, is that your professional opinion?”

“We can call it an abrasion if it makes you feel more adult about it.” Eddie says. “Cmon, we should clean it out so it doesn’t get infected.” Buck scoffs, shaking his head a little.

“It’s not gonna get infected dude, it’s a skinned knee.” 

“If anyone was going to get an infection from this, it would be your dumbass.” Eddie holds out a hand to help Buck up. “Let’s go home.”

“I wanna lay a little longer man, let me chill. You go too hard, the pavements cold, it feels nice.” Buck pushes Eddie’s hand away and lets it flop back down. Eddie shifts to lay down next to him, and they go back to just breathing next to each other. 

At least until the next jogger rounds the corner and notices them laying there. 

“Holy shit,” she says, slowing to a walk and pulling out her phone, “Y’all okay? Lay still alright, I’m calling 911.”

“Wait,” Eddie says, sitting up. He ignores the girls indignant “What the hell did I just say?”, and keeps talking, “Don’t call 911, we’re fine, I swear.” Buck’s giggling has started up again, and Eddie shoves him. 

“No, yeah we’re good. I fell and then we were resting.” He manages to get out. The girl looks skeptical, hands on her hips, looking down at them. 

“Are you sure? I’m an ER nurse, I could check you out real quick.” She offers.

“Really,” Eddie says, “That’s nice of you, but we’re both firefighters, and I used to be a medic. He’s fine. Skinned his knees, but that’s about it.” She looks at them for a moment longer, before making a noise of realization. 

“Hey, that’s where I know you from!” She says, “You work with the nice paramedic with the shaved head, right?” 

“Yeah! That’s Hen, she’s fun.” Buck says.    
“I bet. Can I ask you a personal question?” She asks, and Buck and Eddie look at each other for a second. Buck sits up too, and they nod.    
“Are you dating? We kind of have a bet going around the hospital and- well, I’d like to have won it.” She says. 

“Oh Jesus, the hospital too?” Eddie says, “The rest of our team has a bet going as well.”

“How much of the hospital?” Buck asks curiously. 

“Oh, mostly just the ER staff. A couple of the surgeons, since they love drama.” 

“Goddamn, we are not subtle.” Buck says. Eddie scoffs. 

“ _ We, _ what are you talking about.” He says, “It’s all you, with your stupid face and your expressive eyes.”

“ _ Hey, _ ” Buck says, “That’s not nice.”   
“So that’s a yes then,” the girl says. “Cool! Everyone was so convinced y’all were just chronic piners.”    
“Hah,” Buck says, nudging Eddie, “That’s you, chronic piner.” Eddie makes a dirty face back at him. 

“It’s only been like two months since we actually talked about it and got our shit together.” He says. 

“Waited an awfully long time, huh boys? I’m Olivia, by the way.” She says. 

“Buck,” Buck says, “And Eddie.” He jerks his head towards Eddie. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Olivia says. “And I’m glad you’re alright, but I’ve got to get going if I’m going to make it to my shift on time.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Eddie says as she jogs away. Buck flops back onto the ground as soon as she’s out of sight. 

“I can’t fucking believe this.”

“How much money do you think she just made?” Eddie asks. 

“I hope it was an obscene amount.”

* * *

Eddie’s sitting up in bed, scrolling through twitter while he waits for Buck to come out of the bathroom. They’d had a rather uneventful 12 hour shift that day, and Chris is at Abuelas for the night, so they’d gotten to come home, have a little fun, and now Eddie’s looking forward to approximately ten straight hours of sleep. Buck comes out of the bathroom in just boxers, which is really nice of him, and Eddie’s appreciating the view as he heads for his side of the bed. He’s just rounding the corner when there’s a familiar muted thump and he stumbles, cursing as he falls onto the floor. Eddie scooches over a little so he can see him, making sure it’s not his leg acting up, or something actually serious. Sure enough, Buck’s holding onto his foot, curled up right next to the exposed metal bedpost on the corner. This is like the fifth time he’s stubbed his toe on it coming to bed, although it usually happens after a longer shift. 

“We really should put bubble wrap on those or something.” Eddie says while Buck writhes around on the floor in pain. Eddie’s only ever done it once, right after he moved in, so  _ he _ doesn’t really need it. He’ll do it to guarantee the continued safety of Buck’s toes though.

“Eddie,” Buck gasps. He slams a hand down on the ground, grimacing as he tries to ride out the waves of pain. “I’m dying.”

“Oh shit,” Eddie says mildly, “That sucks. What am I supposed to tell Chris? His favorite Buck, so strong, felled by a bedpost.” He pretends to wipe away a tear. “Gone too soon.”

“Asshole.”

* * *

It’s getting kind of hard to breathe. Buck knows that Eddie and Chim are almost there, that he just needs to hold on for a few more minutes, but the water’s rising fast, and he can’t fucking breathe. He closes his eyes, tilting his head up as far as he can, trying to stay above the waterline, to keep gasping in air. His radio is submerged now, so he can’t hear Bobby anymore, but he can faintly hear stuff shifting as they try to reach him. They have to be getting close, but even the sound of wood and debris shifting fades out as the water covers his ears.  _ Fuck.  _

**A half hour earlier.**

Buck has a weird feeling about this. It should be a pretty standard call, a partial office building collapse. It should be easy even, since it’s Saturday no one should be in. They just need to make sure no one happened to be there, and contain it. 

Buck and Eddie head up to the second floor, calling out and listening for any response. They get to the edge of the collapsed part, and look down, trying to spot anyone. They can’t see anyone, and no one’s responded, so Eddie radios in. 

“Hey Bobby, no one’s up here. We’re heading back down.” He turns back, and Buck’s looking intently at a water purifying machine set up in the corner.    
“What’s up?” Eddie asks, walking over to him. 

“It’s on,” Buck says, “Why would they leave it on? That’s such a waste.” 

The floor drops out from under him.

Buck comes to, and the first thing he registers is how  _ wet  _ he is. His radio crackles on, 

“Buck, come on, report. I’d really like to hear your voice right now.” It’s Bobby, and from the tone, Buck guesses he’s been trying to make contact for a while. He fumbles for his radio.

“Hey Bobby,” He says “I hear you.”   
“Buck, Eddie and Chim are working on getting to you, what’s your status?” 

That’s a good question. Buck takes a second to take stock of how he’s feeling, and it’s then that he notices the beam. It’s fallen across his chest, pinning him down good. He struggles a little, trying to lift it, but it’s too heavy. 

“Stuck, cap. Beam fell on me, I can’t get out from under it.”

“Alright. Can you breathe ok?” Buck can’t really take a deep breath, but he’s not gonna suffocate anytime soon, so it’s fine. The wetness is spreading though, fast. 

“Yeah, but I’m- I think I’m bleeding. I’m feeling kinda damp here.” 

“Where from?” Bobby asks, and Buck looks down at himself. His legs are underwater. Huh. He looks around, and the water purifier has fallen down right next to him and broken open. Somehow, the part of the basement he’s ended up in has walls still standing about three feet high, all around. It’s doing a great job of containing the water, and Buck is officially fucked. 

“Oh,” He says softly. 

“Buck, where are you bleeding?” Bobby says again. 

“Uh- Sorry, I’m fine. It’s not blood, it’s water. Any idea how long Eddie and Chim’ll be?”

“Ten minutes,” Chim says shortly. “There’s a lot of shit in the way.” 

“I don’t know if I got that long Cap,” Buck says, “Water’s rising fast.”

“Ok, I’m going to see if I can get the water turned off. Just hold on.” Bobby says, and then it gets quiet again. Buck knows it’ll take too long to get the company on the line, and Bobby doesn’t have a hope of finding the shutoff valve in this mess in time. So Buck just breathes, and tries not to think about how many near misses he’s had in the last few years. Maybe they’re all just catching up to him. Before his radio goes under, he clicks it on one last time.

“Cap?” He says, “Radio’s about to go under, so I won’t be able to hear anything anymore. Um- I just want- Tell Chris I love him, ok Eddie?”   
“Tell him yourself,” Eddie says shortly. “We’re almost there.” 

“I love you too.” Buck says, and then it’s under. He thinks he’s got maybe three minutes before he’ll be completely submerged, and he wishes he could spend it talking to Eddie. Kinda sucks that he’ll be alone when he dies. 

Buck shuts his eyes as the water covers his ears. He takes one more deep breath, and then he’s under. Memories slam into him at a hundred miles an hour, fighting through the water, the burn of salt in the back of his throat. _He needs to find Christopher._ But he doesn’t, because Christopher is fine. He fights himself, trying to stay present, to remember, Chris is fine, he’s with Carla, this is not the tsunami. He tries to stay calm and still, to not use up any more energy than he has to, but his lungs are burning already. He pushes against the beam again, thinking maybe it’ll be easier because of the water, but it’s too thick and only the bottom half is submerged. 

Buck wants to fight,  _ he does.  _ He wants to go back home tonight, to Eddie and Christopher. He wants more moments, more of a life, now that he’s got one he’s happy with. It’s unfair of him to be leaving them like this. God, not like this,  _ please. _ Not drowning, not alone, not on a call. Not when Eddie’s going to blame himself for not getting there fast enough. He pushes on the beam again, but his lungs are  _ screaming _ and he can’t do this anymore. 

He thinks about breakfast this morning. He’d made pancakes, and the kitchen had been warm and full of Chris’ laughter. Eddie’d been sitting on the counter, sipping coffee, and stealing kisses whenever Buck walked by. Happy. 

He tries to keep that image fixed in his mind as he breathes in water, but it  _ hurts,  _ his body trying to fight it, not accepting that there’s no air anywhere for him. When he passes out, it’s almost a relief. At least it doesn’t hurt anymore. 

“Basket’s ready boys,” Bobby says, and Eddie finally,  _ finally,  _ pulls away the last chunk of concrete. Buck’s right there, and Eddie and Chim step over the remains of walls to get to him. He’s still though, completely underwater, eyes closed. Limp. Eddie kicks out part of the wall closest to him, and the water floods out. 

“Eddie, cmon,” Chim says, and together they lift the beam, setting it aside and kneeling beside Buck. 

“He’s not breathing,” Chim says, and they move him so he’s laying flat. His pulse is still there, just barely, so Eddie starts rescue breaths, while Chim updates Cap on the situation. 

_Not like this,_ Eddie thinks, _not alone, not in the water. You have to come home, how am I supposed to tell Chris you’re gone? How am I supposed to move on?_

“Lost his pulse,  _ damn it _ ,” Chim says, starting compressions, “Don’t do this to us Buck, come on.”

“Fight it,” Eddie pleads, “Please, Buck, come back to us.” Chim pauses, and Eddie breathes for Buck again. Just as he’s pulling back from the second breath, Buck coughs. Eddie and Chim turn him onto his side as he expels the water, and Eddie feels like he’s going to cry when Buck breathes in.    
“Pulse is there,” Chim says, exhaling hard. “Welcome back, kiddo.” Bucks eyes are still closed, but Eddie bends over him anyways, resting their foreheads together, just for a moment. 

“We need to move him,” Chim says, and Eddie nods, pulling back and grabbing the backboard. They lift him onto it, and carry it back through the mess of the basement to the hole they’d dropped down through. They get him loaded up into the basket, transferred into the ambulance. His body temp is low, Hen reports, and his lungs still have fluid in them. But as long as he can just make it to the hospital, he should be fine. 

They lose his pulse again, less than one minute out, and Eddie’s still doing compressions as they wheel the stretcher into the ER. Chim is rattling off information to the staff surrounding them, but every fiber of Eddie’s being is focused on the constant push of his hands under him. On Buck’s body. A nurse makes him switch places with her, and then he’s left dripping on the ER floor, watching the doors in front of him swing shut. 

“Eddie?” Eddie hears the voice, but it’s not Bucks, and he doesn’t give a shit. He’s standing right here until Buck comes back out of those doors, or someone comes who can take him back. “Hey, Eddie, what’s wrong?” Someone touches his arm and he jerks, swinging around to face them. It’s Olivia, and she lets go of him as soon as he moves, holding her hands up. 

“Hey, just me. Olivia, from the park, remember?” He nods. “What’s wrong?”   
_ What’s wrong. _ Simple question, should have a simple answer. Except Eddie doesn’t really know how to explain that everything’s falling apart. Buck had  _ died _ , twice, and he might be dying again, permanently this time, right behind those doors. 

“Did you just drop someone off?” She asks and he nods again. 

“Buck.” He croaks out. “He drowned.” 

“Oh  _ Eddie, _ ” She says, and for some reason that softness and grief from a near stranger is what ends up breaking him. “Come here baby.” 

He turns into her, lets his head drop onto her shoulder, and for just a minute. He lets himself not care about the fact that he barely knows her, that he’s working, that he should be finding Bobby, heading to the waiting room, calling Maddie, doing  _ anything  _ to figure out the next steps. But for this minute, he just lets himself cry into Olivia’s scrubs. Her hands are gentle on his back, and when he pulls back, they move to his face, wiping under his eyes. 

“Why don’t you go find a seat in the waiting room,” She says, voice soft, “And I’ll rustle up some dry clothes and a cup of coffee for you.” 

He nods again, mechanically, but he doesn't move. He feels like if he moves, he’s giving up. Abandoning him. 

“Hey,” Olivia says, pressing her fingertips into his skin a little harder, “He’s got good people working with him. He’s not alone, and they’re gonna do everything they can. He’s in good hands. I know it’s hard, because they aren’t  _ yours  _ but they’re good. Great, even. They’ll give him the best chance possible.” The lack of  _ he’ll be okay _ is painfully obvious, but Eddie knows the drill. She doesn’t have any information about Buck’s condition, she can’t make any promises. 

“Okay,” He says softly. “Thank you.” She smiles at him, and gives him a little push towards the rows of chairs. He goes, taking a few steps back before he can make himself turn around. He lets himself fall into the chair in the corner, protected, so he can see the whole room, and so he has two walls to his back. He feels like he’s been sitting for two seconds when Olivia shows back up. 

“Here,” She says, holding out a stack of fabric, “These should fit.” He takes them, running his fingers along the stitches repetitively. She rests her fingers under his chin, tipping his face up. 

“I’m gonna go see if I can get an update for you, okay? Go get changed. Find your team. Don’t just sit here alone and be broody and damp.” Eddie smiles a little at that. She pats his head gently, heading back behind the double doors. He sits for a moment longer, but then he figures he should probably listen to her, and gets up to go change.

When he comes back out, Chim and Hen are there, standing in the waiting room. 

“Hey.” Eddie says. 

“Hey. Sorry, we would have come in right behind you, but Bobby was- he uh-”

“Is he okay?” Eddie asks, and Hen nods. 

“Yeah. Athena’s with him now, I think they’re in the chapel. Have you gotten any updates?” 

“No, no one’s- I haven’t heard anything.” He drops back into his chair, and Hen sits next to him, grabbing onto his hand. Chim just keeps pacing. 

“I called Maddie,” He says, “She’s on her way.” Eddie nods, letting his gaze settle back on the tiles in front of him. Hen squeezes his hand. 

“ _ Eddie. _ ” Someone says softly, and he jerks awake. 

“Buck?” 

“Yeah, I’m here to give you an update.” It’s Olivia. “You awake?” Eddie sits up more, and a jacket someone’s draped over him slips down onto the floor. Hen, Chim, Maddie, Bobby, and Athena are all asleep in chairs or on the floor around him.    
“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Is he okay?” 

“He’s going to be.” Olivia says, and Eddie breathes out. “It was a little rough for a while, but the surgery went well. They drained all the fluid from his lungs, and he’s breathing on his own. We’re going to need to keep him for a while, to monitor his lungs, watch for secondary drowning. He had a couple broken ribs on top of that, and a concussion. No significant brain swelling, all the internal bleeding was contained, and everything else is pretty superficial. We’re just waiting for him to wake up.” Olivia’s saying a lot of things, and Eddie understands them, sure, but everything’s kind of just washing over him. 

“He’s okay?” Eddie says, and Olivia nods. 

“Yeah, he’s okay. He’ll be just fine. I can come get you when he’s ready for visitors.” 

“Thank you,” He says, “I’m-” He doesn’t know what to say, how to express the pure fucking relief he’s feeling right now, so he just pushes himself up and hugs her. 

“He fought for you.” She says, muffled into his shoulder, “He fought to come back to you.”

"I'm in love with him." He hasn't even said it to Buck yet, but it had been the very last thing Buck said. Except now, Eddie's gonna get the chance to say it back. To say it a hundred times if he wants. And he _wants,_ he does, he aches for it. _Chronic piner_ , Buck and Olivia had called him. Too right.

Buck’s nowhere, and then suddenly, he’s awake. 

He’s in the hospital. Eddie’s in the chair next to his bed, holding onto one of his hands.

“Eddie.” He says, and Eddie looks up from his phone sharply.

“Hey, you’re awake,” he says, “That’s good. How are you feeling?” Buck squeezes his hand a little, looking around the room. 

“Floaty.” He finally settles on, and Eddie chuckles.    
“Yeah, they’ve got you on the good drugs.” Buck hums at that. He watches Eddie watching him for a little, but then he starts getting tired again. 

“I’m okay?” He asks, just to make sure he’s not supposed to be staying awake. 

“You’re okay.” Eddie says, so Buck lets himself slip back into nowhere. He knows Eddie’s got his back. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i literally had not posted fic since like 2018 when suddenly 911 crashes into my life, and now i have like five unfinished wips and an outline for a monster of an au and oh boy.


End file.
